that sinking feeling

that sinking feeling

my throat swells
there's a frog in there
caught among the brambles

it can't get free

my eyes widen
my teeth clench
i am sinking like a stone
in the pit of my stomach

i don't know what's wrong
but something is

i can't get rid of that sinking feeling

some thing
some where
is wrong

Work we were hoping to do in the garden

Despite the zero degrees temperature, it is officially now Spring here in Bristol. My husband and I have been collecting stuff from free-cycle, friends and relatives to create a nice garden for our children.

This weekend I have planted some more seeds indoors. They are sitting wrapped in cling film on our window sills.  As only one pea shoot has sprouted from the last lot, I have planted more of these. My daughter has also sown 16 more sunflower seeds. We have six sunflower seedlings growing on our bathroom windowsill already. I keep imagining what heir bright smiley faces will look like once summer comes.

We were hoping for a mixture of sunshine and rain this week because last weekend we sowed our wildflower meadow seeds and some grass as well.  Instead it has been bitterly cold and frosty and there are absolutely no signs of germination.

We had a long list of jobs to do and now it is too cold to get them done. Although my husband insists he is going to brave the frost and lay some slate on the back steps which are currently a muddy quagmire.

We have a front garden that is overgrown with weeds and needs clearing, sacks of garden waste we cleared last weekend that need to go to the recycle centre, and some bluebells which need planting in the green. My husband has some off cuts of wood he wants to make into a planter and we have a pile of pots we want to make into a terracotta scarecrow. What we really need to get tis work done is some sunshine!!!!

sowing seeds

I take small faltering steps forward
some seeds in a pot
a picture on a wall
some newspaper clippings in my journal

I create
I make plans

I am learning to walk towards the future